Knifey-Spooney

Stats:
Alacrity: +5
Hit Class: +39
Damage Class: +56

In Game Description:
It's not a knife, nor is it a spoon. It's not really a spork, but it might rightfully be called a knoon. Just don't tell the spife people that, though, as there's an age-old holy war going on between the knoonians and the spifes. It's better to stay on the good side of the former, though, on account of all the data that the knoonians' spoon can produce.